In the weeks leading up to Leah's birth I was a complete basket case.
I was worried that Dan would miss the birth.
I worried about giving at home with no one but the older kids to help me (Noah's birth was very fast), thus scarring them for life.
Conversely, I also worried about needing to be induced (more about that soon).
Thankfully Dan came home a few days earlier than planned and I breathed a huge sigh of relief - he'd be present!
If I have another fast birth, I
thought
, he can deliver the baby (and oh, how he'd
love doing that.)! Surely, I thought, when he's home my body will relax and she'll come!
Nope.
Now I have to explain that I have a huge fear of pitocin - the drug they use to induce labor. I had it with Daniel. It makes the contractions so much worse than if you have them without pitocin. I also was pretty adamant that I did not want an epidural. I had one of those with Daniel, too, after hours of laboring under the effects of pitocin and only making it to 4 cm before I couldn't handle it anymore. My beef with the epidural? I hated not being able to push effectively (or even keep my own legs on the table). After two unmedicated births when you see that your body really knows what to do and all you have to do is cooperate with it, it seems really inefficient to mess with the process. No, what I really wanted for this birth was an unmedicated experience that required no pitocin and as little medical intervention as possible. I spent hours, days, weeks pondering this plan.
Then add in the sleep deprivation. For about four months leading up to induction day I woke nightly around 3 a.m., often unable to go back to sleep for any length of time before the 6 am alarm. The night before the scheduled induction (still praying to go into labor on my own) I woke up at 2:30 a.m. and never went back to sleep before we headed to the hospital.
OH, not good.
I cried the whole way there. Poor Dan, driving along....I'm sure he was wondering what our day was going to be like. Well, actually, he probably knew. I'm lucky that he didn't drop me off and sneak back home.
By the time they hooked me to the pitocin and the blood pressure cuff I was not only exhausted but furious. I started taking pictures because that was just the mood I was in....how on earth was I supposed to try to give birth with pitocin in my system, without an epidural, WITH ALL OF THESE THINGS ATTACHED TO MY ARMS? Every time I had to go to the bathroom the poor nurse had to unplug me from four different outlets and drape all of the cords around my neck as I dragged the IV cart into the bathroom with me and tried not to drop said cords into the toilet.
So not good.
It took the whole morning for me to make it 5 cm. At that point I realized that I couldn't deal with the pain anymore. When the doctor put in the epidural I cried and cried - hysterical, boo-hoo crying. I couldn't stop. They didn't even bother giving me a tissue - they handed me a huge washcloth.
You know what came next? A NAP. Probably the best nap I've had in my entire life. I am not being flippant when I say that this nap was truly a gift from God. It was exactly what I needed, and God always provides! They woke me up to tell me it was time for baby to come out - she had a head start on us! I won't subject you to any more details, other than to say thank you to all of my wise friends who said GIVE IT UP AND JUST GET THE EPIDURAL! To my friends who encouraged me to try to have unmedicated childbirth, thank you, too. I consider it a personal victory that I lasted one whole centimeter longer without an epidural during Leah's birth than I did with Daniel's. If I hadn't at least tried I would have always kicked myself. I surely don't need any more reasons to do that.
Last, I propose that you add the word pitocin to your favorite list of expletives. If you hear me say PITOCIN, DANIEL! FOR THE TWELFTH TIME, PICK UP YOUR SOCKS! you'll know what I'm saying. I'd even suggest the alternative phrase, "OH, PIT!" (as in, "she's still smiling, time to crank up the pit!" like one nurse said when I was hooked up to that horrible stuff during Daniel's delivery) -- but that one might get Team Fulkerson into trouble...
Baby Leah, you were worth every moment!
